Review

The weird gothic, atomic energy symbol type arrangement that hangs outside, above the entrance to the bar, leaves one wondering what the hell it's meant to be, although the statement that says 'In the heart of Soho' is unambiguous and assures you that you're not in Timbuktu.

Drinking amongst the rugs that embellish the floor of the Crown & Two Chairmen is like being in an Arabian harem, with the abundance of women either drinking inside or walking along Dean Street taking the role of the concubines. The lights, however, have no exotic connotations whatsoever, and appear to be reclaimed from a medieval torture chamber, chamber of horrors or Hammer horror movie.

Drinks are served in a hotchpotch of glasses, and if lucky you might get a pint of beer in an Old Speckled Hen glass, which is like drinking from a vase; spirit drinkers are less fortunate, and I had a Gin & Tonic that didn't fit into the glass! Unlike other Soho wateries, there is adequate staff here to ensure one gets served without too much delay. Plenty of seats and tables ensure there's always somewhere to rest your weary ass after a hard day's drinking if the pub's not too busy - one can even sit at the bar. If you're unfortunate enough not to get a seat, you can always stand and use the broken fridge, which languishes in the centre of the pub, as a table. At the side of the bar is a white-panelled seating area, removed from the main bar area by a series of pillars.

Marx may well have drank here in the 1850s; not Chico, Harpo, Groucho, Gummo or Zeppo, but Karl Marx, the great 19th century socialist thinker and communist who lived next door to the Crown & Two Chairmen during his "long, sleepless night of exile" that lasted until his death in 1883. Is it any coincidence that the communist named Chinese Mutual Aid Workers Club now resides opposite the Crown & Two Chairmen?

There are lots of fruit machines to keep one entertained, but unlike most pubs on a Saturday afternoon, snooker has taken Football's mantle and is shown on the TVs in the bar. Comedy is the new Rock'n'roll and every pub now has its own Comedy night, where every man and his dog can stand-up and tell a few gags to an unappreciative audience; the upstairs bar in the Crown & Two Chairmen doubles as the venue for Saturday's comedy night.

The urinals have been condemned at some stage by Westminster City Council, as the remnants of the tape preventing their use is still visible. The drink here isn't bad enough to produce toxic waste! There used to be an Electric-Chair contraption near the entrance to the men's loos, but this has recently disappeared - toxic piss is evidently enough to dispatch the unwelcome drinker.

Review by mr_psm