Review

A strong contender, if not the winner, for the title of “Brighton’s pub most popular with Sunday lunchtime eaters and drinkers”; try to get here early-mid afternoon on the day of the Christian Sabbath and you’ll be sorely disappointed, as there’ll be no room. Midweek lunchtimes are equally as rammed, as Brighton’s populous descends upon The Battle of Trafalgar for a veggie-sausage sandwich!

This is a large pub, situated in several rooms, which gives credibility to why the pub looks like 2 buildings from outside. The bar, which takes up a sizeable portion of the larger, narrower room, is littered with the detritus that often accompanies old pub bars: lines of ancient beer bottles, tacky knick-knacks rarely seen outside of charity shop windows, and stacks of dusty CDs…well, stacks of dust!

Amongst the usual pub tat, there is a 1-metre long panorama of 18th century Brighton, as well as various parts of a ship. As expected from the pub’s name, there’s an overindulgence of Nelson and Trafalgar memorabilia; paintings of the great man himself, and various scenes depicting the Victory and Redoubtable locked in mortal combat, cover the walls. There is also some cricket memorabilia, which is weird, as I never remember hearing about Nelson’s cricketing days. It must have been amusing watching the Immortal Admiral Lord Nelson bowl, as having one arm must have proved awkward, and the lack of sight in one eye must have been a cricketing handicap; it’s best not to mention Horatio’s many other illnesses - physical, neurological, and psychological! I also don’t remember reading about Nelson ever going Salmon fishing…

The Battle of Trafalgar once housed a bar-billiards table, but this has now disappeared, as did Nelson’s right arm during the July 1797 attack on the Spanish haven of Santa Cruz in Tenerife. Amputated as a result of a musket ball passing through “a little above the elbow”. Nelson later said "a left-handed admiral will never again be considered as useful", which was a little premature considering 8 years later he would unequivocally annihilate the joint fleets of France and Spain at the Battle of Trafalgar (the battlefield off Gibraltar, not the pub), and thus prevent the invasion of Britain!

The large beer garden, full of plastic chairs combined with wooden tables, is great if you fancy a view of the surrounding houses, roofs and chimney pots. The exit into the beer garden is conveniently labelled ‘bosun’s store’! The management obviously think The Battle of Trafalgar is a ship, likely to break it’s moorings at any time and sail off into the sunset down Queens Road, in a scene reminiscent of Monty Python’s Meaning of Life, in which the staid Insurance Company building transforms into a pirate ship and sails of to give battle on the high seas of finance.

In keeping with the nautical theme, the gents toilets are renamed ‘Heads’; quite worrying, considering Brighton’s reputation, that you’re expected to go into a pub’s backroom, which says ‘Heads’ on the door, and then proceed to drop your trousers! Traditionally the ‘Heads’ on a ship were wooden holes on the side of a sailing ship, on which Jolly Jack Tar sat, and literally shit over the side; history is littered with missing sailors, who disappeared whilst ‘at the heads’. In full view of the drinkers supping in the beer garden, taking a slash involves standing in front of the window, under a fluorescent light. Beware of pissing here in the winter, as the toilet window is open all year round, which means that if it’s cold outside, you’re likely to find you’ve grown an icicle before pee has hit porcelain.

A pleasant little pub, if a little grimy and smoky, where you’re always welcome by the congenial staff. The choice of beers is good, as is the food, and the place is always heaving, which is a good sign of its popularity.

Review by mr_psm