Review

This is like boozing in a cave, which is precisely what it is... Carved into the solid rock, on which Nottingham Castle sits, Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem claims to have opened in 1189AD and is the oldest pub in England. The staff here are slow, to say the least, often disappearing into the cellar with every order placed at the bar, sometimes all together; it's so slow that some of the people in here have been waiting to get served for the last 814 years!

Listed on maps of Nottingham, the pub is not just a genuine pub, it's also a genuine tourist attraction, with the ubiquitous American tourists trying to reach their Credit Card Limit as quickly as possible, buying whatever tat they think might be 'quaint' and a piece of 'Oldey Ingland'!

Internally it's like Santa's grotto in a shopping mall, without the snowy clichés, elves and Santa's bulging sack. Every room at the rear of the pub has cave-like, stone walls, although there is little to suggest they're carved rooms, more like genuine, natural caves. The bar is ancient and tiny; full of old, rotten beams, old woodwork, and old geezers quaffing the local real-ale.

A second bar, upstairs in the 'Rock Lounge', has a lengthy shaft, about 1.5m in diameter, ascending vertically from the ceiling - this is either the bottom of a well or dungeon, or it's a mighty big chimney, although it's not that smokey in here to necessitate such a vent! A second shaft of similar proportions ascends from a narrow, rocky passageway into another room - the 'Museum Room', which is nothing like a museum, as it just contains an old tapestry thing.

Laminated signs throughout point to the pub's shop, although this is a side-splitting tease on the pub's behalf, as there isn't really a shop - the signs lead back to the bar, where the staff sell a variety of tacky memorabilia. Nottingham appears to have its own language, as 'Souvenier' books are on sale, as detailed on the laminated signs.

Away from the cave area of the pub, there is a boring back room that has no stone walls, and an even more boring room that is for non-smokers.

The bric-a-brac throughout the pub is of the high standard to be expected in such an establishment: clocks, swords, lots of photographs of black-and-white blokes, and a 1m high, gold, naked, Art Deco figurine reaching out to some anonymous pisshead. One interesting article is a dusty model ship - the 'cursed galleon' - the last three people to have cleaned it all died mysteriously.

In mediaeval times, a 'Trip' was a resting place rather than a journey, an ancient version of a Travel Lodge, so Ye Olde Trip To Jerusalem was a resting place en-route to the Middle East. In another example of Christianity going insane, a familiar dead-ringer of more recent events, the travellers resting at the pub were Christian fundamentalists - Crusaders - sent by King Richard 'the Lionheart' to attack the followers of Mohammed, the prophet of Islam, and expel them from the so-called Christian 'Holy Land'!

Any person visiting Nottingham with an interest in pubs, booze or history must visit Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem, but be prepared to vie for elbow-room amongst the tourists, people only here for the novelty with little interest in the beer.

Review by mr_psm