Review

The hypocritical policy at The Beluga Bar means you're likely to be banned for doing something that's openly encouraged. Several years ago, my family and I were asked to leave The Beluga Bar and given a ban by the doorstaff for taking candid photographs of women who found the attention unwelcoming. The bar's actions in this instance conflicts with the Hot-Shots machine, which dispenses disposable cameras at £5 each, and the framed photograph above the bar of a woman flashing her boobs. The Beluga Bar's attitude suggests you're likely to be banned for drinking beer, which is sold on the premises, smoking cigarettes, which are sold on the premises, and having fun, which is encouraged on the premises. Perhaps using the toilets, which appear to be for the use of customer's, will result in a forceful ejection from the premises.

The entrance and façade of The Beluga Bar is quite modest in comparison to other bars on Wood Street; its small doorway and staircase lined with Belgian pictures give no clue to what's inside. This is a busy bar, as with every bar in the vicinity, and gets crowded at weekends. Catering for the over-25s, the bar is open until 2am so you're welcome to stay here for the duration of the evening or use at as a pre-club bar.

Considering it's a half-subterranean bar with only small windows at street level, The Beluga Bar is large, airy and bright. Seeing into the bar from Wood Street proves difficult, and the only feature discernible from the street are the numerous candles that line the bar, sit on every table and stand in a tall, gothic candlestick.

Beneath each window is a small booth area containing either a green or blue sofa, all of which are filthy and heavily burnt by cigarettes. Each booth also has several chairs and a table, upon which are unusual metal candlesticks that are presumably the type of thing made by an art student. These booths provide the ideal setting for trying to look up the skirts of women outside.

TV screens are suspended in every corner of the room, a small mirrorball hangs near the toilets and DJ booth, and at each end of the long bar is a large, Dali-esque picture, one of which is a stream of flying bricks hitting a corn field. The stools at the bar have bandy legs like an inanimate version of a drunk, and the rear of the bar is notable by its collection of novelty-shaped bottles, fashioned into the outline of US states and suchlike.

The childlike drawings of Elephant-Man-esque dolphins carrying infants, which are painted on the outside of the bar, confirm The Beluga Bar is named after the Arctic and sub-Arctic Beluga Whale (Delphinapterus leucas) and not the Beluga aircraft. The Airbus Beluga, many of which are seen outside the Airbus factory at Toulouse, is a whale-shaped, outsized variant of the A300 airliner and is used to transport large sections of Airbus fuselage and wings to the central factory for assembly.

Review by mr_psm